About Chapter 1 - January Conclusion & February Resolution 2018

ABOUT CHAPTER 1

January

January was really...

January (and the end of ´17) brought many new things.

January was exciting and intimidating :)

Looking back January was stressful, full of those events when you never actually want to do things but always convince yourself to do things and in the end are so happy that you did them...you know what I mean?

Since I neither did a November nor a December Conclusion post and actually also never did a January Resolution one I thought I just throw everything in one ;)

A MAIN and when I say main I mean main life changing even in November actually was - THE NEW JOB - yay ^^ I finally got!

I don´t know if you followed my C&R (Conclusion&Resolution) posts over the last year but if you did you might have seen that one of my main issues and hopes were not having respectively getting a job.

Living with depression and anxiety is hard enough but always trying to get up every morning without an actual reason and with the constant fear of the future is one of the hardest things ever.

Being afraid of the future means being afraid of absolutely everything...now try to live a happy life...ya right. And trying to get better without any change in that department is a really hard thing to do! You have no idea how instantly you can feel better once your biggest fear is gone ;) hahaha

It might seem like a unimportant thing to fear...not having a real and stable employment...but it gives me so much safety...to know there will be enough money to live of and...I don´t know its just something which actually gives you a future perspective and you can actually plan on something ^^ I like that!

Well I said that the past few month were exciting...obviously ^^ but also intimidating...well that´s actually very easily explained...when you suffer from having anxiety and with that panic attacks you might know that there are certain situations in life which trigger those attacks...of cause that´s very different for every one but for me it´s always having stress and being under pressure when I do something important which is an everyday situation when you work as an interiour designer/architect.

I´ve been afraid of working for a very long time because it wouldn´t have been the first time for me to have a panic attack at work...that really makes it hard to actually go out and look for a job...makes sense doesn´t it...at the same time is does not make it easier to solve the problem of being afraid of the future because of not having a job ;) a nice predicament isn´t it 

Well I solved it ^^ and I´ve never been prouder of myself and more releived!

It was a challenging time in a personally and a "professional" way. I am proud of much and I do not regret any decisions I made in that time even if they were hard.

Everything turned out just fine...everything is good...everything is even better that I could have ever dreamed it!

I wont even start with lessons I learned in that time...its too much and too many little things and I actually talked about it enough in my new years post. The major thing? Trust in the good that will come and enjoy it as long as its there!!! Short: TRUST AND ENJOY ^^

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An other huge thing in January was the Musical - Kiss Me Kate - I could be part of and it was such a wonderful time with so many lovely people...always feel so honored to be in such a production to meet and to work with such wonderful people and to learn so much ^^

Its been an amazing time and I cant wait for summer when the new opera project begins again!

Just as last year there are actually no New Years Resolutions for me...and this year I did not even set any January Resolutions. I just decided to let this first month just be what it wants to be ^^ Its depressing enough ;) don´t actually know why but I know many who think that January is the hardest month of them all. Its winter, cold and dark, but doesn´t have all the christmasy pleasures of December ;) all you want is spring...but not saying to much now, I am working on a post and a video on exactly this ... coming soooooon ^^

But I´m going to set myself some resolutions for February!

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FEBRUARY RESOLUTION

- Finally make all the changes I´m planning for my Blog and youtube channel

- Stay ahead of filming and blogging - being on my time schedule

- stay self confident and strong

- stay productive and creative

- save more of the money I earn now ^^ (I mean who does not spend all the money of the first pay check ^^ hahaha)

- move out and in with my bf and buy all the amazing interiour stuff I already found ;)

and that´s it ;) might seem a little bit basic but I´m happy about how it is now and I´d love it to just stay this way ^^

How are you doing? How was your January and 2018 so far?

With lots of love

♥♥♥

Verena